Ok, I'd like to start off this post by saying that this is my perception of me. It may be skewed but I think everyone's own perception of themselves is to some degree.
I weigh 147lbs (a total loss of 31lbs). My goal when I started this whole thing was 150lbs. Since then, I had decided that it would be good to be under 150 and that would be my trigger number (ie. when I get there, DO something about it!). I have maintained my weight since Oct. 19/07 - not once have I hit 150lbs although I have been super close!! I wear S-M shirts. I actually bought a size 4 dressy shirt recently. I also bought S pyjamas from La Senza. My pants are about a size 8. The dress that I bought from Le Chateau for the fall wedding I went to...Small. My wedding dress is a size 8.
That is all compelling evidence that I need to be happy. I'm there. I've accomplished what I have wanted to. Why does it not seem like enough though??? That is the question. When I got to 150 lbs, why wasn't that enough? Why do I now feel like 142 is the magic number? And if I were to get there, then what?
I need to stop obsessing with the numbers. But I'm scared. I've read that people that weigh themselves daily, are more likely to maintain. That, to me, is an important fact.
I need to get it through my head that I don't need to lose more weight. But I see things in the mirror that I still don't like.
I don't know what the answers are to any of this. I'm hoping this is just a touch of the winter blues that is dragging me down. It just needed to be said.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
The reality check
Posted by Tara at 12:06 PM
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1 comments:
Wow tara... i'm so glad you posted this. I hope you feel good getting it all off your chest. I'm not at my goal weight, so I don't have the same struggles as you... but I can assure you you're not alone in this. Stacey is the exact same way. When she finally reached goal weight she kept making her goal smaller and smaller... Now she is always striving for just a few more pounds.
Honestly, normally this would concern me (heck, i work with eating disorder patients who are on their death beds... so i always get alarmed when people are at a healthy weight and want to keep losing)... but the thing is, i KNOW you have a level head. I KNOW you're being healthy and not starving yourself.
You're a tiny girl. You know you are... look at the sizes you're wearing! You're also a human... and no matter what (unfortunately) you look like, you will always find something you're not happy with in your appearance. I know you say you're scared to not weigh yourself every day... but I'm scared you'll never be happy regardless, and i just don't want to see you become unhealthy or anything.
You're right... you do not need to lose any more weight. We have to keep reminding you of that. Maybe you should just try putting the scale away for a week... just see how that goes?
it likely is kinda winter blah's too... and try to remember that when you're feeing bummy... the spring weather isn't far away (although can't come soon enough!). hang in there... we'll make it!
i can't wait until i'm at goal weight and can emapthize that much more and support you that much more...
I've rambled... when all I'm trying to say is i love you very much and I just want you to be HEALTHY and HAPPY. you're a beautiful person on the inside and out... and i just wish you saw it on the outside like the rest of us see it. please promise me you won't end up obsessing to the point where you're sick or anything. stay at the weight you're at... it's healthy and you look healthy (while also looking skinny!). maybe the longer you're at this weight the easier it will be to accept it... and you'll stop wanting to lose.
I'm glad you posted all of this... i'm glad to know what's really on your mind... and i hope it helped you feel better... even just a little!
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